You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
