I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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