Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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