I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
