I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
