oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
