nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
