i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
