Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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