fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize