I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
