They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
