isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
