I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
