The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
