My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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