I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
