Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
