If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
