I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
