I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize