I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
