4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a hot homeless man
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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