I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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