You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
