Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize