my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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