He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
