Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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