love makes seman taste better
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
