so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize