Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
