his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
