I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
