There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
