So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
