HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
