I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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