Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
