is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
