everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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