for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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