My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
