Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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