K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
