Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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