You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize