Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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