Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
