The maid of honor just puked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
