my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
