Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I intend to get homeless drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
