She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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