Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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