Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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