I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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