then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
