God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
