i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
