too bad you live with your parents still
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My life is pants optional.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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