I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
