I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
