So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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