Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
