I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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