I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
