So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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