Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
