I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
