How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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