I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
