I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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