Barsexuality is the new black.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
