i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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