I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
