I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
