The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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