It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
