What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
