he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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