why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
