Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
