he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
