Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
