I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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