Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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