He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
