ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize