p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
