She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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