worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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